1. Extremely loud.
My eyes seem dim, but all the sounds around me are very loud and present.
This is almost like those dreams I have where I can't see and all the while I am straining to open my eyes wider and wider and make the things around me go from static to clear picture. It's hard and it turns out it is also impossible. I can't see. And around me there is chaos. Someone is out to find me. Someone dangerous. Someone who I fear might want to harm me. Someone I would have to see to run from, to protect myself from. Someone who could very easily take me, grab me, nab me. Someone I would not be able to stop.
I take my fingertips and I try to pry my eyelids open but I know it won't help. It is something at the center of my eye; something behind my eye that I cannot get to that is dulling everything. It is like a white noise. I can feel it. I can feel it like my breath. Like my breath when it is caught. When I can't take in air. When I can't complete an inhale; and I panic then too. But panicking never helps. So strange how that is our body's reaction, when it is the opposite of what it needs. How about that, Darwin? How does that make sense?
Noises. Loud noises. Extremely loud noises. Not only in my ears but cascading over all of my skin. Ripples of sound, as if I am lying where water laps against a shore. Head first, it consumes my head but then continues to glide down and I feel it at the perimeters of my arms, then my chest, my stomach, and my head is underneath the whole time. Only when it reaches my toes and I am consumed, while my head feels close to exploding and I do not try to stop it, does the loud-sound-water start to recede until I am left only wet and waiting, knowing it will return again shortly to start all over. This isn't pleasant. If the noise is the water, then the water is freezing. Bone-chilling. Cultivating fear to grow.
Blindness and sound. Being chased. Stumbling. Drowning under ice-cold water. These are my dreams.
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