Depredation

depredation \dep-ruh-DAY-shun\, noun:
an act of plundering or despoiling; a raid.

"Argh!" "Arrrrrgh!!" "Aaaaaarrrrrggh!!!"

He stood in front of his mother's full length mirror in his pirate costume, practicing his "Aye matey"s and his "swash-buckle"ing. He swung his sword around and held it high in the air. His mother wasn't quite sure if pirates genuinely had swords, but it didn't really matter. She knew he just liked swinging it around. He liked drawing it out of its holster and thrusting it at walls and through doorways. Thankfully, no one yet had walked into harm's way and gotten the wind knocked out of them.

He hadn't approved of the carved pumpkin shaped candy holder. It didn't go with his pirate clothes. So she had fashioned something out of random fabric in her craft drawer. It almost looked like a hobo traveling pack to her, but it had been boy-approved. She would attach it to the sash tied around his waist. He didn't want it to look like a candy bag. Pirates didn't carry around candy purses. They captured gold! Booty! Argh!

In keeping with the theme, she would wear a raggedy old dress and personify the damsel in distress. She would let him threaten her with walking the plank and she would shriek in fear when he raised his weapon. She would refrain from hugging him too much, from telling him not to eat so many Sugar Daddies. In their own candy jar for the kids who would knock at their door, there were mounds upon mounds of chocolate gold coins.

The boy wondered what kind of a pirate would give away his treasure, but he would say nothing to his mother. It was obvious she just didn't get it.